Beth, 21, Echelon, animal lover, sports fanatic, lover of all things funny & random.
my mum just told me that if we ever saw benedict cumberbatch in the street she’d trip me up and walk away so he would help me up
your mom is an A+ parent
This could go for so many famous people
Give me coffee to change the things I can, vodka to accept the things I can’t, and friends who are sober enough to help me know the difference.
when people ask u sex questions and ur just like
my friend left her window open in her bedroom and came back to find this
look at his self-satisfied little face, the cheeky shit
if there was a post to describe australia, this is it
you mean to tell me this isn’t even a pet bird?
that in australia, you have wild birds that just fly from house to house with the express purpose of fucking shit up?
fucking HELL australia, what is wrong with you?
wake up australia
That’s what birds do
They fly around and fuck shit up
Do you have some kind of mysterious nice birds in your weird foreign country
Do birds in America and England fly into your house and make the bed and tidy up the living room a little bit
It’s cold here, so they just bounce off the windows and lie there and twitch spasmodically while you look for the shovel.
Basically hurling themselves at windows is the worst thing birds do
why the fuck would a bird fly into your house does it want to be dinner
Lot 666, then: a chandelier in pieces. Some of you may recall the strange affair of the Phantom of the Opera: a mystery never fully explained. We are told ladies and gentlemen, that this is the very chandelier which figures in the famous disaster. Our workshops have restored it and fitted up parts of it with wiring for the new electric light, so that we may get a hint of what it may look like when re-assembled. Perhaps we may frighten away the ghost of so many years ago with a little illumination. Gentlemen?
Tonight You’re Perfect by: New Politics